i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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