Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
