He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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