He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He shit in the fireplace
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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