It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Boobs are out for the taking
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
