Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
