Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
