mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
