she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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