y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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