whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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