You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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