i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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