this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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