i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
