my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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