first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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