First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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