I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
