Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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