Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
