all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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