The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
