nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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