Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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