Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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