my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
