Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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