listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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