I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
