Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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