Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
