A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
