the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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