she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
