I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
