I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize