I want to walk on stilts...naked
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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