Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
