guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
