I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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