found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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