Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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