life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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