i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize