I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
