If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
