my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
