I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
