Plan B is the new Plan A
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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