honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize