those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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