So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
