White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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