all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
