I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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