Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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