I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
