you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
