Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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