I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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