i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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