You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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