I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
