he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
