Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
