no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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