i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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