dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
