dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
